"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of
an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious
to meet people who do." Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)

"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'
Patricia Arquette

"And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people don't
blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so
people don't blame everything on Satan." George Burns

"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." Carmen
Boyle (Olympic gold medalist in luge, 1966)

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can
fake whole relationships." Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what
she's reading." Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by
a bee-the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." Dan
Rather (News anchorman)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
I said, 'Thyroid problem?" Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport
for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally
ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23
per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm
about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)

"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer.
But imprisonment turns the state into a gay
dungeon-master." Rev. Jesse Jackson

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter
how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out
a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I
think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne

"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a
problem in this country? Men
not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
Hugh Grant

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting
that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause
severe swelling. So
what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a
woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart., aging cover band singer